No Thank You

 Recently someone asked me if I wanted to do something with them to which I replied "no but thanks for the offer". That should have been the end of it. You asked. I answered. But it wasn't. And that bothered me.

  Why do people feel they deserve an explanation when told no? Isn't no enough? Ummm yeah, it most certainly is. My response would have been different if one of my nearest and dearest had asked. I would have given a reason as I declined though none was necessary. They would understand without being told. Yet somehow someone who I spend very little time with thought it was her right to demand an explanation. Then ask yet again for one when none was provided.

  Would the truthful answer have stopped her questions? I don't think so. The reason I said no was that I just didn't want to. Period. But I have my doubts that to this particular person that would not be a valid reason to refuse. She would be wrong.

  We all wake up some days and want to do nothing. Watch a little tv or read a book. Stay in pj's and bake cookies or eat ice cream out of the container. And that's perfectly okay. Sometimes we change our minds and cancel plans and that's okay too! Our friends will know if we are just having a moment or if we are going into a slide and in need of some help. Then "no thank you" will not be enough for them and they will figure out a way to help or get you to people who can help. Those are your close friends.

  From birth we are hard-wired to ask for explanations. Remember asking your parents if you could go somewhere and they said no? I'd bet money your next question was "why not". I'd bet my life savings that they replied "because I said so". No further conversation was going to happen. You asked. They answered. End of discussion. 

  Does that mean we don't owe an explanation to children but we do to adults? I'd say the total opposite. Explain to your kids the reasons why. Tell them your job is to keep them safe and what they want to do might not be safe. Or that you did that as a child and the results were disastrous. They might learn from your mistakes or at least not fight back quite as hard because you didn't dismiss them. 

  Bottom line...if an explanation isn't offered, don't ask for one. Don't think you know better or that if you cajole me enough I'll change my mind. I won't. What I will do is resent you for not respecting me or my wishes. 

  Ang