Right Again Janet

  In an episode of Downton Abbey, the Dowager Countess, played brilliantly by the great Dame Maggie Smith, said, "All life is a series of problems which we must try and solve, first one and then the next and then the next, until at last we die." When I heard that, I have to admit I experienced an "aha" moment. It was so perfect, so true, so...wrong! 

  The truth is life is a series of wiping down the same kitchen counters, putting the same bottle of hot sauce in the fridge for the tenth time every day and washing the same three fry pans over and over and over again! Yesterday, today, tomorrow, next week, next month and yes, next year. 

  Minutes before I sat down to write this, I hand-washed two pots and three fry pans. Each for the second time today. And we had take-out for dinner! Who used them? What did they cook in them? I didn't see anyone in the kitchen for any length of time today. Certainly not long enough to dirty five cooking vessels. Maybe the dog used them all. 

  Now, my friend and parenting guru, Janet, says to embrace and enjoy the chaos. Too soon the house will be clean and quiet, and I will be longing for a sink full of dishes, she reminds me. Maybe. But will I miss the twenty pairs of shoes blocking the front door? Or the empty toilet paper roll in every bathroom? What about the empty containers in the fridge? I'm sorry Janet I think you may have missed the mark on this subject. 

  I'm not going to harp about there never being a clean towel or crusty toothpaste in the sink. I'll overlook the car always needing gas and the empty takeout bags in the back seat. For the sake of this post, I'll pretend that every light isn't left on 24/7 or that no one ever hears the dog barking. Nope, I'll not comment on 99.9% of all the frustrating, annoying, anger-inducing things my "kids" do. Instead, I'll hold it all in, and every three or four months I'll explode while my entire family stares at me, wondering when I went insane. You do that too right?

  After writing the previous five paragraphs, I went to bed. As I turned off the lights, I smiled at my clean counter, okay, only one side was clean and clear because I didn't have the energy to empty the dishwasher. Walking upstairs, I wondered if just this once I would wake up to the same relatively clean kitchen. I sighed, knowing the chances were slim to none. 

  I heard my youngest come home before midnight. Listened as he stepped on every creaking board on the stairs, announcing his homecoming. The glare of the bathroom light shone directly into my eyes after he forgot to turn it off. My oldest coughed most of the night. I can tell you how many times he got up. Lying awake listening, I reminded myself to buy more soup and cough drops in the morning. 

  This morning, I came downstairs to a counter that was no longer clean. A dirty frying pan sitting on the stove and a pot in the sink. As I went to water the flowers in the front yard, I moved shoes out of the way to open the door, turning off the outside light in the same motion. Sigh.

  The house is quiet. Both boys are asleep. Only the occasional cough now. As I take my first sip of coffee, reality slaps me in the face...Janet is right. I will miss this. Not the messes or the noise. Not the arguments or the frustrations. This "us". No matter how much their actions annoy me, we are not quite ready for this time, this togetherness, to be over. Soon but not just yet.

  Now where did I put that cloth? I've got a counter to wipe down.

  Ang

They Wore What???

 So much of our lives is taken up by politics lately that I want to take a little break from the chaos and discuss something really important. Not the price of groceries being on the rise. Or how much it costs to fill your car. But something so offensive, so disgusting, our entire worldview could be affected by this latest trend. I know you've experienced it and probably recoiled in the horror of it. You might even be traumatized and suffer recurring nightmares. By now, you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's right let's discuss... knee-high socks with shorts!!!

  I'm not kidding, it's everywhere! Shorts, normally the kind with all the pockets,  just above the knee, followed by white knee-high tube socks...wth??? If the person is over a certain age, they switch to black dress socks without elastics to hold them up! Again...wth??? Are these people blind? Do they have no one in their lives who will tell them the truth? Should we plan an intervention?

  If you thought this fashion "trend" couldn't get any worse, you would be wrong. It most certainly can, and does, become even more cringe-worthy with the introduction of...drum roll please...sandals. Sigh, yes sandals. Sometimes even flip-flops. The humanity! My eyes cannot unsee the ugliness. Every time I close my eyes, I relive this sight. Will I ever be able to sleep again?

  Now let me be clear. I've not seen one woman embrace this fashion choice. Why? Because she has girlfriends who will say, "What the hell are you thinking???" True friends never allow you to leave the house in that state. We will let you walk out in pajama bottoms, with unbrushed hair and food on your shirt, but even we have lines that cannot be crossed. You're welcome.

  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say maybe it's comfortable. The health benefits of less leg and foot swelling might be a factor. Perhaps there is scarring on the upper legs that these men are self-conscious about and want to hide. I get that. But what are the chances that a vast majority of men have all of those things at the same time? Slim, I'm betting. And if this is your hubby, Dad, uncle, brother, etc, tell them they cannot go outside til they change. They'll hate you for it, but it's time to take one for the team. 

  Be careful out there ladies. The streets are rough and we need to be diligent. Enough is enough. 

  Ang

Bullies Beware!

  Sometimes things are very hard to say. We know when we say them, we are putting ourselves out there for judgment, condescension, and ridicule. When an adult does it, we say how brave they are. How much courage it took to speak the words. But what we don't see often enough is teenagers saying those difficult words. Speaking their hard truths. And when we do, we should really take notice of what they say.

  Let me tell you what happened earlier this month. My son spoke his truth. He put himself out there. Bared his proverbial soul. Told the world how he was bullied throughout his high school years. Most didn't know it was happening. Some did know, but not the extent of it. I cried reading his words. Having lived through it with him, having those same feelings of helplessness, anger, and sadness, I was proud and relieved, he chose to take a healthy way to deal with the emotions involved. I would have hated for him to be bitter and angry...ok he is a teenager, so he's always bitter and angry, but that's a different subject for a different day.

  When your kid says, "I'm being teased at school" put down whatever you are doing and listen. Listen carefully. Let them take their time and explain as much as they want to or can. Then ask questions. How many kids? How often? What do they say? Don't worry about your kid using swear words or slurs. These are the words that are being thrown in their direction. You need to know them. Explain how bullies are weak and afraid. That they do this because they think it makes them look better and stronger. But don't stop there. 

  Talk to the school. Yes, I know your child will tell you it will make it worse, they are correct by the way, but you need to let those in charge know that it is happening and that you are taking steps to stop it. Let them know you will keep them in the loop and that if need be, you will be asking them for help. Don't stop there either. Call your local Public Health unit, doctor, or police. Ask anyone who might be able to give some advice. Older siblings. Other parents. Do not, under any circumstances, stop asking for help!

  The sad, awful truth is that high school is awful. As are the teenagers walking the halls. Every student gets bullied to some degree. You are not pretty enough or too pretty. Not smart enough or too smart. You're the gay kid or the poor kid. You dress funny, you've got bad hair, or you're fat. Nothing is off limits. Some get off lightly. But those who don't...their lives can be made unbearable. To the point where they cannot see it ever ending and decide to take their own lives. We cannot be ok with that!

  To the parents of kids who have been, or are being, bullied, you have my full support. I'll give you whatever strength or advice you need. To those parents whose kids are doing the bullying, don't pretend your kid couldn't do that. They can! They do! Open your eyes. Accept that your child isn't perfect and help them learn to be better. Chances are they are hurting too and could really use your support. 

  Don't let the bullies win. You have the strength they wish they had. Remember that!

  Ang