It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

 Advertisers want you to believe this is the most wonderful time of the year. That everyone is happy, smiling, and singing carols as they shop with no thoughts of price tags. As carols play happily in the background, we bake gingerbread cookies and baste turkeys, all while the entire family looks on with anticipation, joy, and love. I'm not trained in advertising, but what a crock that is! Let's be honest about the holiday season, rather than the "Hallmark moment" they are trying so hard to sell us.

  For at least 90% of us, cost matters. A lot! The $18 turkey we had last year is now $25. The potatoes, veggies and desserts are up too. Those nuts you only buy at Christmas? They might have doubled in price. And you aren't just buying for this one meal. You are adding on to your regular groceries. You could easily be looking at an extra hundred dollars, and that's on the conservative end. 

  Now that you've overspent on groceries, let's bring out the "wish list". Even if the list is shorter than last year, chances are it's still going to cost more. Video games, Lego sets, pajamas, and even Grandad's slippers went up. Sticking to your budget is almost impossible for most of us. We don't want to disappoint anyone, so out comes the Visa to save the day. Creating a whole new set of problems come January.

  Finances aside, let's not pretend the holiday season, spent with extended family, is without drama. There is always one who is too conservative that sits on the sofa next to the liberal. Someone always drinks too much and brings up "family secrets" at the dinner table. A child has a meltdown. Grandma criticizes. Tears are shed. A day or two with our nearest and dearest is exhausting! We are not meant to be on our best behavior for that long a time frame. We just aren't!

  While this might be your favorite time of year, keep in mind not everyone feels the same way. People are still ill and have loved ones in hospitals. Someone is standing vigil as a loved one dies or making funeral arrangements for another. It's the one-year, or tenth, anniversary of a death that still hurts. Grandparents cannot remember their own children or the celebrations of the past. It's rough for a lot of us. And while we may put on happy faces and try to enjoy ourselves, many are hurting inside from a pain they can not share. Be extra understanding of them. 

  Wow, it seems as if I've removed every ounce of joy from the holidays! Feel free to call me the Grinch or Scrooge. But I'm not looking for perfection over the next four weeks. Not in presents or food or decorations. Certainly not in conversations, visits, or parties. I'm hoping for a minute or two that becomes a memory, preferably a happy one. One that five years down the road elicits a smile or a laugh when it comes up at another gathering. Where we shake our heads and say "Remember when...". 

  That's what I'm aiming for.

  Ang

  

Sweet Karoline...Not!

  

  Karoline Leavitt bothers me...a lot! Like Kelly Ann Conway and Sara Huckabee Sanders before her, Ms Leavitt uses her pulpit to tear down women at every opportunity. She belittles, insults, and criticizes females daily. All in the service of a man who uses words like "piggy" and "nasty" to describe women who challenge him while bragging about walking in on teenage girls in various stages of undress. Makes me wonder how she and her predecessors look in the mirror every morning.

  What I cannot understand is how these women, both Conway and Sanders have daughters, defend their words to the women in their lives. Putting the politics aside and focusing on the personal attacks, how do you explain to a girlfriend over a glass of wine that in the process of defending your boss, you have to attack other women for doing their job? Questioning another woman's intelligence is your go-to insult that is televised around the world. How do you sit at Thanksgiving dinner with Grandma, who fought to be able to open a bank account and get a credit card without Grandpa's permission, and chat about your job being the spokesperson for a man found libel of sexual abuse? Bet that's weird.  

  The biggest hypocrisy of all to me is her exploitation of her faith. Again, like her predecessors, Leavitt talks almost daily about her faith being her guide. How being raised Catholic defines who she is and what she believes. That Christianity is her guiding light. Apparently my own Catholic upbringing was totally different than hers. I was taught to help people. To feed the hungry. Shelter those in need. Turn the other cheek. Do unto others...you get the idea. Were her parents, not to mention the priests, reading from a new edition of the Bible? Are there different religious guidelines in New Hampshire than in Nova Scotia? Ones that perhaps say be nasty to others? Or judge everyone? I don't think so.

  I believe she knows when she is stretching the truth or telling bald-faced lies. I'm pretty sure she isn't as under the influence as some may think. Karoline Leavitt may just be one smart cookie, who enjoys the world stage and being a headline on a daily basis. If, and that's a big if, she survives long term in this administration, she will have a book deal followed by a nice career on Fox News. Conservative groups will pay her to speak at their conventions, where she will talk about the "good ole days" of MAGA. 

  Karoline, be more supportive. More uplifting. More empowering. Protect your female colleagues from the misogynistic men in your workplace. In the infamous words of your boss's wife...be better.

  Ang

  

 

It Doesn't Really Matter

 It's the most wonderful time of the year...at least that's what the song wants you to believe. For me it is, with a healthy dose of stress and anxiety thrown in to make it less Hallmark movie-ish. But for many this time of year is dreaded. Feared even. Between social anxiety, too high expectations, and financial shortfalls, many families are worried about the next six weeks and beyond at an immeasurable level. I believe we can help those around us who are suffering without hurting their pride or depleting our own reserves. And perhaps helping ourselves in the process.

 This time of year we all tend to have more visitors. Normally that translates to food and drinks. But does it have to? I do not need appetizers and wine at every friend's house. I may need a glass of water or a coffee, but I do want my pants to fit after New Year's and that will not happen if I eat and sip at every stop. If you want to offer me something, peel a few mandarin oranges. They are super cheap and delicious this time of year, and we could all use a bit more fruit in our diet. Put anything on a festive plate and voila you are entertaining.

 One thing that would help everyone is not to be the hated "dropper-inner". Not everyone wants you to see the pile of laundry on the coffee table or the sink full of dishes. We are all still working on top of all the extras we have to do in December. Respect that. I always tell people I'm visiting them not checking out how clean their house is. But it's not about me, it's about them. Maybe they do care. Minimizing that helps no one.  Call, or better yet, text first. Let your friends decide whether they want to open their home to you. To those I have done this to...please forgive me.

 Alright let's talk presents. No adult, not one, needs anything. We might want a new sweater or a serving tray but we do not need one. Want and need are two very different things. As grown ass people, we can go buy what we need when we actually need it. Stop buying us "stuff". But if you do feel compelled, get a grocery gift card. Or one from a big box store that has everything. Movie tickets or restaurant vouchers. And to be brutally honest, you may think you know what we want, but you would be wrong. Chances are they are donating or regifting so save your money.

 Kids are a totally different story. You should be focusing on them this time of year. Their gifts do not need to be expensive. Most will not remember next year what they got. But they will remember watching a Charlie Brown Christmas with you or the nights wrapped in blankets, driving around looking at holiday lights. You gift-wrapping a small toy in a box, within a box, within a box is the stuff of lifelong memories. Time. Your time. Your focus. That's what kids need. Being their "present" will make the season happier and less stressful...for the whole family.

 Let's lower the bar this year. Say whatever I do is enough and mean it. No decorations? Ok. Stuffing out of a box? Delicious. Messy house, everyone is in pajamas? Perfect. None of it matters. Read that again. None of it matters. The only thing that matters is you and yours. 

 Ang

 

Thank You Jays!!

 Like so many Canadians, I needed a few days, more like a week, to get over the loss of the Toronto Blue Jays to the LA Dodgers in the World Series. It was heartbreaking!! But what a season they gave us!!! A whirlwind of home runs, comebacks, and nail-biters. Some games we jumped out of our chairs. Other times, we sat on the edge of our seats, praying they could just make one more run. We, as a country, enjoyed every single one of them! 

  Yelling at the screen at Coach John Schneider's in-game decisions was commonplace. Soon enough, we realized he knew more than us what was needed and who could carry it off...sorry about that John...and we relaxed, confident in his leadership. He defended his players fully, gave them chances to shine, and thanked the fans constantly for their support. 

  The big guys stepped up as always. Vladdy caught balls he shouldn't have been able to. He ran faster, threw harder, and slid better than we ever could have dreamed of. Even when he was injured, he was the loudest supporter from the sidelines. George Springer and his Whalers batting gloves hit a Canada Day grand slam that will be replayed every July 1 for decades to come! He played with unmatched skill, even while injured, throughout the entire season. Leading by example all the way.

  Clement, Varsho, Schneider, and Lukas were outstanding!!  Out-freaking-standing!!! Nathan Lukas made the most of his big league shot after twelve years in the minor,s ending the season batting in the second spot and starting every game. Clement hit the ball so often that he set an MLB record, getting 30 hits in one postseason! And his sliding! Legendary. Davis Schneider did whatever was asked of him. He pinch hit, he stole bases, he showed up! Dalton Varsho spent some time on the injured list, but when he came back, look out. He is so good at every aspect of the game and made catches that would have been impossible for anyone else. 

  Barger, France, IKF, Gimenez, Heineman, Loperfido, Straw...all played outstanding! Showing us all that being part of a team is about doing what is needed as a group, not as an individual. Come on, Gimenez drove in Ernie, IKF ran his heart out, and Barger hit a grand slam! Talk about contributing!

  The pitching staff...what can you say? Gausman was Gausman. Max Scherzer was intense. Bieber got the job done.  Trey Yesavage blew us out of our seats! And the bullpen was outstanding!!! We could not have asked for anything more from them. 

  Last but certainly not least, my favorite, catcher Alejandro Kirk. His bat was on fire. He picked off runners effortlessly. He called the games with a skill most catchers only dream of. All while being criticized for not looking like a professional athlete. They are right, he isn't a fast runner and has the build of a beer-league catcher. But he is a natural. Perhaps that's why he is my favorite. He shut up his critics by playing better than anyone. Besides, how fast do you really need to run when you are hitting home runs most of the time? Or to the warning track? Exactly. 

  They didn't win the big prize. However, they did win the hearts of this country. Pulling us together in a way only sports can. We showed our pride in them, ourselves, and our country. That is something we will always be grateful for. 

  Thank you Toronto Blue Jays!!! It was one hell of a ride.

Ang

Right Again Janet

  In an episode of Downton Abbey, the Dowager Countess, played brilliantly by the great Dame Maggie Smith, said, "All life is a series of problems which we must try and solve, first one and then the next and then the next, until at last we die." When I heard that, I have to admit I experienced an "aha" moment. It was so perfect, so true, so...wrong! 

  The truth is life is a series of wiping down the same kitchen counters, putting the same bottle of hot sauce in the fridge for the tenth time every day and washing the same three fry pans over and over and over again! Yesterday, today, tomorrow, next week, next month and yes, next year. 

  Minutes before I sat down to write this, I hand-washed two pots and three fry pans. Each for the second time today. And we had take-out for dinner! Who used them? What did they cook in them? I didn't see anyone in the kitchen for any length of time today. Certainly not long enough to dirty five cooking vessels. Maybe the dog used them all. 

  Now, my friend and parenting guru, Janet, says to embrace and enjoy the chaos. Too soon the house will be clean and quiet, and I will be longing for a sink full of dishes, she reminds me. Maybe. But will I miss the twenty pairs of shoes blocking the front door? Or the empty toilet paper roll in every bathroom? What about the empty containers in the fridge? I'm sorry Janet I think you may have missed the mark on this subject. 

  I'm not going to harp about there never being a clean towel or crusty toothpaste in the sink. I'll overlook the car always needing gas and the empty takeout bags in the back seat. For the sake of this post, I'll pretend that every light isn't left on 24/7 or that no one ever hears the dog barking. Nope, I'll not comment on 99.9% of all the frustrating, annoying, anger-inducing things my "kids" do. Instead, I'll hold it all in, and every three or four months I'll explode while my entire family stares at me, wondering when I went insane. You do that too right?

  After writing the previous five paragraphs, I went to bed. As I turned off the lights, I smiled at my clean counter, okay, only one side was clean and clear because I didn't have the energy to empty the dishwasher. Walking upstairs, I wondered if just this once I would wake up to the same relatively clean kitchen. I sighed, knowing the chances were slim to none. 

  I heard my youngest come home before midnight. Listened as he stepped on every creaking board on the stairs, announcing his homecoming. The glare of the bathroom light shone directly into my eyes after he forgot to turn it off. My oldest coughed most of the night. I can tell you how many times he got up. Lying awake listening, I reminded myself to buy more soup and cough drops in the morning. 

  This morning, I came downstairs to a counter that was no longer clean. A dirty frying pan sitting on the stove and a pot in the sink. As I went to water the flowers in the front yard, I moved shoes out of the way to open the door, turning off the outside light in the same motion. Sigh.

  The house is quiet. Both boys are asleep. Only the occasional cough now. As I take my first sip of coffee, reality slaps me in the face...Janet is right. I will miss this. Not the messes or the noise. Not the arguments or the frustrations. This "us". No matter how much their actions annoy me, we are not quite ready for this time, this togetherness, to be over. Soon but not just yet.

  Now where did I put that cloth? I've got a counter to wipe down.

  Ang

They Wore What???

 So much of our lives is taken up by politics lately that I want to take a little break from the chaos and discuss something really important. Not the price of groceries being on the rise. Or how much it costs to fill your car. But something so offensive, so disgusting, our entire worldview could be affected by this latest trend. I know you've experienced it and probably recoiled in the horror of it. You might even be traumatized and suffer recurring nightmares. By now, you know exactly what I'm talking about. That's right let's discuss... knee-high socks with shorts!!!

  I'm not kidding, it's everywhere! Shorts, normally the kind with all the pockets,  just above the knee, followed by white knee-high tube socks...wth??? If the person is over a certain age, they switch to black dress socks without elastics to hold them up! Again...wth??? Are these people blind? Do they have no one in their lives who will tell them the truth? Should we plan an intervention?

  If you thought this fashion "trend" couldn't get any worse, you would be wrong. It most certainly can, and does, become even more cringe-worthy with the introduction of...drum roll please...sandals. Sigh, yes sandals. Sometimes even flip-flops. The humanity! My eyes cannot unsee the ugliness. Every time I close my eyes, I relive this sight. Will I ever be able to sleep again?

  Now let me be clear. I've not seen one woman embrace this fashion choice. Why? Because she has girlfriends who will say, "What the hell are you thinking???" True friends never allow you to leave the house in that state. We will let you walk out in pajama bottoms, with unbrushed hair and food on your shirt, but even we have lines that cannot be crossed. You're welcome.

  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say maybe it's comfortable. The health benefits of less leg and foot swelling might be a factor. Perhaps there is scarring on the upper legs that these men are self-conscious about and want to hide. I get that. But what are the chances that a vast majority of men have all of those things at the same time? Slim, I'm betting. And if this is your hubby, Dad, uncle, brother, etc, tell them they cannot go outside til they change. They'll hate you for it, but it's time to take one for the team. 

  Be careful out there ladies. The streets are rough and we need to be diligent. Enough is enough. 

  Ang

Bullies Beware!

  Sometimes things are very hard to say. We know when we say them, we are putting ourselves out there for judgment, condescension, and ridicule. When an adult does it, we say how brave they are. How much courage it took to speak the words. But what we don't see often enough is teenagers saying those difficult words. Speaking their hard truths. And when we do, we should really take notice of what they say.

  Let me tell you what happened earlier this month. My son spoke his truth. He put himself out there. Bared his proverbial soul. Told the world how he was bullied throughout his high school years. Most didn't know it was happening. Some did know, but not the extent of it. I cried reading his words. Having lived through it with him, having those same feelings of helplessness, anger, and sadness, I was proud and relieved, he chose to take a healthy way to deal with the emotions involved. I would have hated for him to be bitter and angry...ok he is a teenager, so he's always bitter and angry, but that's a different subject for a different day.

  When your kid says, "I'm being teased at school" put down whatever you are doing and listen. Listen carefully. Let them take their time and explain as much as they want to or can. Then ask questions. How many kids? How often? What do they say? Don't worry about your kid using swear words or slurs. These are the words that are being thrown in their direction. You need to know them. Explain how bullies are weak and afraid. That they do this because they think it makes them look better and stronger. But don't stop there. 

  Talk to the school. Yes, I know your child will tell you it will make it worse, they are correct by the way, but you need to let those in charge know that it is happening and that you are taking steps to stop it. Let them know you will keep them in the loop and that if need be, you will be asking them for help. Don't stop there either. Call your local Public Health unit, doctor, or police. Ask anyone who might be able to give some advice. Older siblings. Other parents. Do not, under any circumstances, stop asking for help!

  The sad, awful truth is that high school is awful. As are the teenagers walking the halls. Every student gets bullied to some degree. You are not pretty enough or too pretty. Not smart enough or too smart. You're the gay kid or the poor kid. You dress funny, you've got bad hair, or you're fat. Nothing is off limits. Some get off lightly. But those who don't...their lives can be made unbearable. To the point where they cannot see it ever ending and decide to take their own lives. We cannot be ok with that!

  To the parents of kids who have been, or are being, bullied, you have my full support. I'll give you whatever strength or advice you need. To those parents whose kids are doing the bullying, don't pretend your kid couldn't do that. They can! They do! Open your eyes. Accept that your child isn't perfect and help them learn to be better. Chances are they are hurting too and could really use your support. 

  Don't let the bullies win. You have the strength they wish they had. Remember that!

  Ang