Bullies Beware!

  Sometimes things are very hard to say. We know when we say them, we are putting ourselves out there for judgment, condescension, and ridicule. When an adult does it, we say how brave they are. How much courage it took to speak the words. But what we don't see often enough is teenagers saying those difficult words. Speaking their hard truths. And when we do, we should really take notice of what they say.

  Let me tell you what happened earlier this month. My son spoke his truth. He put himself out there. Bared his proverbial soul. Told the world how he was bullied throughout his high school years. Most didn't know it was happening. Some did know, but not the extent of it. I cried reading his words. Having lived through it with him, having those same feelings of helplessness, anger, and sadness, I was proud and relieved, he chose to take a healthy way to deal with the emotions involved. I would have hated for him to be bitter and angry...ok he is a teenager, so he's always bitter and angry, but that's a different subject for a different day.

  When your kid says, "I'm being teased at school" put down whatever you are doing and listen. Listen carefully. Let them take their time and explain as much as they want to or can. Then ask questions. How many kids? How often? What do they say? Don't worry about your kid using swear words or slurs. These are the words that are being thrown in their direction. You need to know them. Explain how bullies are weak and afraid. That they do this because they think it makes them look better and stronger. But don't stop there. 

  Talk to the school. Yes, I know your child will tell you it will make it worse, they are correct by the way, but you need to let those in charge know that it is happening and that you are taking steps to stop it. Let them know you will keep them in the loop and that if need be, you will be asking them for help. Don't stop there either. Call your local Public Health unit, doctor, or police. Ask anyone who might be able to give some advice. Older siblings. Other parents. Do not, under any circumstances, stop asking for help!

  The sad, awful truth is that high school is awful. As are the teenagers walking the halls. Every student gets bullied to some degree. You are not pretty enough or too pretty. Not smart enough or too smart. You're the gay kid or the poor kid. You dress funny, you've got bad hair, or you're fat. Nothing is off limits. Some get off lightly. But those who don't...their lives can be made unbearable. To the point where they cannot see it ever ending and decide to take their own lives. We cannot be ok with that!

  To the parents of kids who have been, or are being, bullied, you have my full support. I'll give you whatever strength or advice you need. To those parents whose kids are doing the bullying, don't pretend your kid couldn't do that. They can! They do! Open your eyes. Accept that your child isn't perfect and help them learn to be better. Chances are they are hurting too and could really use your support. 

  Don't let the bullies win. You have the strength they wish they had. Remember that!

  Ang

  

  

  

  

  

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

 Remember that Sex & The City episode Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda? That phrase, from season 4 episode 11,  keeps jumping into my brain whenever I think about decorating, shopping, or anything related to the holiday season! My hubby doesn't have those same thoughts. My "kids" don't either. It seems to be just me...oh and probably 99% of all women I know!!!

  I coulda started decorating earlier. The planters could have been done in November when the mornings were chilly and the first frost was on the car. Sitting on the front step in the mid-day sunshine would have been perfect to create a beautiful display. Instead, I've opted to wait til the first really cold day and freeze my ass off. Just like last year!

 I woulda shopped earlier if I had known the post office would go on strike! Instead, I've had every reason to put off getting those gifts that must be shipped across the country. Now I'm scrambling to figure out not only what to buy but how to get it there! One more thing to stress about at the most stressful time of the year.

  I shoulda listened to my inner voice and kept things small. Manageable. Nope, I thought decorate everything, put up multiple trees, shop for everyone. It's not as if history has shown me everyone will help! I've created the situation myself like most women have. And we all have grocery shopping, baking, cooking, and cleaning to look forward to during the remaining weeks of December. Lucky us!!!

  Honestly, the holidays will come and go. We won't remember the mashed potatoes or the decorations. No one will talk about the tree being perfect or those homemade cheeseballs. Instead, we will laugh for years to come over forgetting to turn on the oven or waking up to the dog having ripped open every gift. Our kids will tell their kids about Grandma who read them The Night Before Christmas and how we all fit on the couch to watch a Charlie Brown Christmas for the tenth time. 

  While we all may feel stressed we couldn't, wouldn't, and shouldn't change one thing about the time we spend with our families during this magical time!

  Ang

  

Let That Sink In

 According to the US Census Bureau, there are 47 males per every 100 females. Meaning women make up approximately 50.5% of the population. By a slim margin, women are the majority. Yet they have less rights than their male counterparts. Let that sink in. 

 Forget about therapeutic abortions for the sake of this conversation. Basic healthcare is being denied to half the population. A D&C, dilation and curettage with or without suction, is basic healthcare for women. In cases of miscarriage, this procedure can save the woman from infection, infertility, and death. Yet doctors can go to jail for performing it depending on the state. Oh and if your doctor decides not to because of fear of prison you might not be allowed to leave your state to have it done either. Not just your right to healthcare but your movements as well are controlled. Let that sink in. 

  If you have an ectopic pregnancy it cannot result in a healthy pregnancy. Again the procedure or medication to treat this will result in the ending of the pregnancy...a crime in many states. Doing nothing will almost guarantee the death of the mother. Doctors have to make a choice. It's out of your hands. Let that sink in.

  A young girl barely 12 ends up pregnant from repeated sexual abuse. She is terrified, in shock, and damaged. She needs to heal both physically and mentally. A task that will take a lifetime. Yet people she doesn't know and doesn't trust have decided that carrying that fetus to term is the best thing for her. Let that sink in.

  Imagine being raped and finding out you will be forced to give birth to your rapist's child. What happens to the woman's mental health over the next 36 weeks? What if after giving birth she abuses the child? You could understand if she hated this constant reminder of her violation. The government doesn't care what happens to the child after birth just that it's born. Let that sink in.

  Okay so let's bring therapeutic abortion back into this. This one is simple. If you do not want to have one for whatever reason then do not have one. Your circumstances are not the same as everyone else's. You cannot decide for others based on your own morality or religion. It's simply not your business. Imagine if a stranger could decide things about your health without knowing one thing about your life or situation. I guarantee you wouldn't like it.

  Being denied healthcare is wrong. Denial based solely on your ability to procreate is even worse. Women are more than their reproductive organs and should be treated based on their entire body not just their fallopian tubes. 

  One final thought...close your eyes, think of the situations I've just laid out for you, and think about how scared, confused, and angry those women would be. Now imagine that woman was you...or your daughter. 

  Let that sink in.

  Ang

** I "borrowed" the final thought idea from John Grisham's spectacular book A Time To Kill because honestly, it's brilliant!" **

  

Too Cheap To Be True Answered

 A few months ago I wrote about a Carnival cruise we had booked that was so cheap it was Too Cheap To Be True. I meant to come right home and tell you about it but my cold/flu and bum knee made me forget about it...til now. Here is my honest opinion of our Carnival Venezia cruise that cost a grand total, including gratuities, $1402.

  First off we had an interior stateroom which I didn't think I would like. Wrong! What a perfect sleep you can get with only a teeny amount of red light coming off the exit light. Enough to get to the bathroom safely but not enough to keep you awake. The room was small but with only two of us, it seemed spacious. Lots of hangars, drawers, and hooks. Even though the TV hung on the wall, the console table with open shelves was a nice bonus as was the built-in fridge. A makeup table with seat was well-lit and equipped with enough plugins for an entire family. The two bedside tables had USB ports but no outlets. With so many people using CPAP machines that seems to be a huge oversight. Like all cruise ship bathrooms storage is not an issue. There are more than enough shelves and countertop space for everything.

  Okay let's discuss food. I always say if I don't have to cook it I'm happy. The app allows you to book a table for dinner in the main dining room and it works amazing! My only complaint is that there are two entrances on different floors and when your table is ready it doesn't say which floor to go to. It never failed we were on the wrong floor. Some food I didn't like. That's a matter of personal taste. But it all looked delicious and was presented perfectly. Sometimes the service wasn't the greatest but I think there were quite a few "newbies".

  The late-night pizza place was a hit if the lineups were any indication. We only got it once and it was good. The after-hours buffet had quite a few choices but again we didn't sample it often as we ate our dinners later than most. I never saw a chicken wing except on the room service menu and one late night after several margaritas we splurged. They were really good! And cheap...$6 I think. Only once did I send a meal back and that was my lobster tail. I'm from the east coast and I know when a lobster needs a few more minutes on the grill. 

  We went to the piano bar, comedy club, sports bar, and the main theater. The shows were very good and I liked that there were several comedians during our 9 days. I spent a bit of time at the art auction but everything I liked was crazy expensive. The outdoor movies were a hit. As were the dance parties. There was always trivia which I love. You could always be doing something if that's how you spend your vacay.

  Ours was a casino deal which is why it was so cheap. I always play the slots on every cruise however even though we have been on two other cruise lines with casinos only Carnival has ever offered me discounts. Interesting considering this deal was offered after we had only traveled with them once. Norwegian we've done 7 or 8 with you and nothing...what's up with that? The deal also included free drinks for both of us while in the casino. Nice perk since the drink package was very, very expensive. I know people complained on other blogs that they rarely got served but we had a totally different experience. We had excellent service and always brought some cash with us to tip which I'm sure helped.

  Like every single cruise we have been on you cannot get a deck chair by the pool.  Too many people stay in the hot tubs for too long drinking too much. You know what some of them are doing in there. Your fellow travelers will push you out of the way, forget their manners, and be rude. There are always kids running around with no regard for anyone else and parents who couldn't care less. A few drunks will misbehave and several couples will have huge fights right in the middle of your enjoyment. With 4K plus in a small space how can it not be a little chaotic?

  Overall the cruise was fantastic. The staff was always wonderful. We never saw our stateroom attendant though the room was always spotless and any midnight snack dishes were removed before we had a chance to put them out. The cruise director MarQ Anthony was so energetic, and fun and always had time to chat. He knew who needed a little nudge to let loose and how to keep the party going. 

  I would give the staff, service, entertainment, food, and cleanliness all a 9 out of 10. We really had few complaints. I wasn't a fan of the Italian theme and thought it looked a little tacky though hubby disagreed on that. The shopping wasn't great but it never is and the constant photographers at dinner were annoying. Those factors dropped it down to an overall 8 out of 10.

  The big question "Was it too cheap to be true" is answered simply with not by a long shot. In fact, had this been a $2500 or even $3000 costing vacation it still would have been great! It was 9 days after all. There are real deals to be had and we got one. 

  Thanks Carnival Venezia! Ciao!

  Ang

  

It Can Always Be Worse

    "There's always something isn't there?" That is my Mom's favorite saying. In fact, I hear her say it every single time I speak to her on the phone. While I don't use it half as much as she uses hers, my go-to is "It could have been worse". That's what I have been saying to others about myself this week in record numbers. If I'm honest many times these past seven days I've murmured it to myself. Cause what happened last week could have been much, much worse!

  The days are getting warmer and the sunshine makes me want to head outside. After fighting a flu/cold for four weeks I was ready to dip my toes in the sunshine and take my velcro dog Cricket for a walk. He was very excited when the harness came out! In hindsight too excited! As I stood on the top step, with my hand on the leash strap, he took off. And so did I. While he managed to stay on all fours I was not so lucky. 

  Long story short, I landed on my knee, twice, then my side on the concrete while he ran at the apparently threatening school bus. I knew I was hurt. Instantly. I couldn't get up by myself but with the help of a few neighbors, I hobbled into my house to ice my expanding knee. And man did it expand! I even had to take my capris off as they were cutting the circulation with the swelling.

  After a long, painful thirty minutes I knew I needed an x-ray and a health care professional to take a peek. It only took five hours to be seen at Urgent Care, and no I am not being sarcastic I was the final patient of the day and very happy to be seen at all, to be told no ligaments were torn. But an x-ray was needed in the morning to check for a fracture. They gave me a "fast pass", yes like at Disney theme parks, for the morning and sent me home.

  I couldn't maneuver the stairs but the sofa was comfy and we left early to get my x-ray. No fracture, nothing torn but an unbelievable amount of swelling and tightness. Trauma the doctor called it. A few meds for pain, a knee brace and cane, and directions to rest as much as possible for a few weeks. See? It could have been much worse!

  That was a week ago. My entire leg is bruised and the knee is still swollen...itchy too and no matter how much I scratch it doesn't stop. Unexpectedly the bruising and swelling have gone down into my ankle and foot. Weird isn't it? Even my toes are bruised! There hasn't been much pain for a few days now. I sleep in my own bed using my handy cane to take the stairs slowly. Walking is easier and I even managed a shower! Hubby however won't leave the house with me. He's scared of what people will say to him and honestly, I can't blame him for that.

  We are so wrapped up in our own worlds, which is perfectly normal, that sometimes we need to remember that things can always be worse. I've been confined to my house and my recliner. How lucky am I to have both? Lots do not. Having to give over the reins to my family...how lucky am I to be loved by people who will do it without complaint! Imagine what my week would have been like in a cast with no one to care for me or an extended hospital stay and surgery. I'm very thankful it wasn't worse.

  Count your blessings people. Life can always be worse. And yes Mom there is always something!

  Ang

  

  

The Blacklist - Thanks - Sort Of

 Anyone who knows me even remotely well can tell you I love James Spader. Alan Shore was one of the greatest characters ever written. Honestly, I never thought I could ever see Mr. Spader act in anything and not see him as Denny Crane's husband on Boston Legal. Ten years ago I was proven wrong. The Blacklist hit the small screen and I was once again in awe of the acting genius that is James Spader. Raymond Reddington was an even better character. Quirks and all!

  The pilot episode started out with Red walking into the FBI building and being surrounded by security, guns drawn, alarms sounding. He was, of course, number one on the FBI Most Wanted list. From that opening scene, we are whisked away on the adventure of a lifetime. I've laughed, cried, covered my ears, and shielded my eyes. Some characters I loved. Others I hated. But each week we met a new "blacklister" and watched Reddington and his FBI task force apprehend the criminals law enforcement didn't know about.

  Jon Bokencamp, the show's creator, is brilliant. He made the most horrible people not just likable but lovable! Teddy, a torturer who uses animals to get information and who tried to get his son into the family business, made criminals talk using violent yet inventive methods. Glen, aka Jellybean, worked at the DMV and could track anyone no matter how hidden they were. He was crude and rude not to mention a fabulous bowler. When Clark Middleton died, the actor who played Glen, the writers penned an episode about his funeral that included Huey Lewis and the Statue of Liberty and introduced us to his mom Paula who was a real hoot!

  After 10 years of watching and rewatching, trying to figure out answers to long-held questions, and wondering who exactly Raymond Reddington was, last night was the series finale. In two hours they were going to answer all my questions and explain what I couldn't figure out. I was excited. I was sad. I was on the edge of my seat. I was ready! 

  What I ended up being, and it hurts me very much to say this, was disappointed. Yup I said it. It wasn't the ending this spectacular show deserved. It certainly wasn't the ending the fans deserved. When the two hours were over I was left with the same questions I've had since the beginning. If anything I had more things I needed answers to. 

  I don't know how the show should have ended. Red alive or dead. The task force in jail or off to find new adventures. But I do know last night's ending was not it. Right up until the final scenes I was on board. I even knew Raymond would die. Maybe an hour three was needed. To tie things up. The reading of his will perhaps or a letter left for Harold Cooper. Perhaps Dembe, played by the fabulous Hisham Tawfiq, could have spilled the secrets he knew. Something. Anything.

  This morning I checked other fan reactions on social media. Apparently I was not alone. I would say for every "great ending" comment I saw there were twenty "disappointing" ones. Blacklist fan groups are hating on it in record numbers. Everyone seems to be thinking the same way...good for Raymond going out on his own terms but bad for those of us wanting answers. Many use the words cheated and robbed. 

  Like many shows before it, Lost springs to mind, we are left without answers to the questions we carried with us from season to season. After ten years to still be in the dark about the show's core "secrets" is one thing but to end it without answering even one of them is wrong. It's disrespectful. And it's what we got.

  Ang 

  

  

No Thank You

 Recently someone asked me if I wanted to do something with them to which I replied "no but thanks for the offer". That should have been the end of it. You asked. I answered. But it wasn't. And that bothered me.

  Why do people feel they deserve an explanation when told no? Isn't no enough? Ummm yeah, it most certainly is. My response would have been different if one of my nearest and dearest had asked. I would have given a reason as I declined though none was necessary. They would understand without being told. Yet somehow someone who I spend very little time with thought it was her right to demand an explanation. Then ask yet again for one when none was provided.

  Would the truthful answer have stopped her questions? I don't think so. The reason I said no was that I just didn't want to. Period. But I have my doubts that to this particular person that would not be a valid reason to refuse. She would be wrong.

  We all wake up some days and want to do nothing. Watch a little tv or read a book. Stay in pj's and bake cookies or eat ice cream out of the container. And that's perfectly okay. Sometimes we change our minds and cancel plans and that's okay too! Our friends will know if we are just having a moment or if we are going into a slide and in need of some help. Then "no thank you" will not be enough for them and they will figure out a way to help or get you to people who can help. Those are your close friends.

  From birth we are hard-wired to ask for explanations. Remember asking your parents if you could go somewhere and they said no? I'd bet money your next question was "why not". I'd bet my life savings that they replied "because I said so". No further conversation was going to happen. You asked. They answered. End of discussion. 

  Does that mean we don't owe an explanation to children but we do to adults? I'd say the total opposite. Explain to your kids the reasons why. Tell them your job is to keep them safe and what they want to do might not be safe. Or that you did that as a child and the results were disastrous. They might learn from your mistakes or at least not fight back quite as hard because you didn't dismiss them. 

  Bottom line...if an explanation isn't offered, don't ask for one. Don't think you know better or that if you cajole me enough I'll change my mind. I won't. What I will do is resent you for not respecting me or my wishes. 

  Ang