A Few Thoughts

  Today I have a few thoughts on a few things. Here goes.....

  Kevin Spacey....WTH???? I would think that as a gay man I wouldn't have to tell you this but apparently I am wrong. Being gay does not make you a pedophile. Or sexually aggressive. Or give you permission to attack a child. In fact by coming out as an apparent explanation as to why you attacked a child, you have given ammunition to those who hate gay people and believe "they" are all pedophiles. Way to go!

  Sarah Huckabee Sanders....two words....Sean Spicer. Plan ahead for your career. The entire world looks at you while shaking their heads. We feel sorry for you. But we know you lie, every single day. Not a great career move.

  Whomever sells ads at BBC Canada...you have the greatest sense of humor. Watch Father Brown and you'll see what I'm talking about. So ironic.

  CNN's Chris Cuomo...you are on a news program not an entertainment show. Please speak as if you are trying to give us facts not the most recent updates on The Bachelor. Or let Alisyn Camerota do all the talking.

  Dear Stephen Harper...please take a page from former U.S. leaders and don't comment on what the person who took your place is doing. It looks petty. You didn't want Paul Martin questioning your choices did you? Show some class.

  Quebec government....smarten the hell up! Your State Religious Neutrality Law is unconstitutional, bigoted and mean. How does taking away people's rights give them more rights?? It reminds me of Trump's Travel Bans. Ignorant and wrong.

  One more thing...to every single grocery, pharmacy or corner store who starts selling Halloween candy in September....we, everyone over the age of 20, hate you. With a passion. 

  Happy Halloween everyone!

  Ang

  
   

5 Friends

  Yesterday I had five teenage boys hanging out at my dining room table. There was a lot of food eaten...especially Halloween candy and chicken fingers. Laughter rang through the house for hours on end. Raised voices. More laughter. Chairs scraping across the hardwood floor, making room for another hand in the candy bowl. What could these five long haired, gangling teens be doing on a rainy Sunday afternoon?

  Playing Dungeons and Dragons of course! What else? A Halloween version crafted by own son. They played for hours. Creating characters and evolving story lines. And laughing. Lots and lots of laughing. 

  Peeking in through the door you would see blue hair, scarred faces, a flower child and hats. Yes they dressed for the occasion. They looked young and carefree. And happy, very happy.

  Being fourteen is hard. So many things are changing. Responsibilities are increasing both at home and school. They are starting to figure out who they are and who they want to be...they just aren't sure how to get there. Everything is hanging by a hormone guided thread.

  But for a few hours yesterday, sitting at a table, playing D&D, they were carefree kids again. No worries. No cares. Just five friends laughing and having fun. 

  Just how it should be. 

  Ang

**I really wanted to say 5 nerds but Alex would kill me ;) **

One Dozen

  There are 7.5 billion people on earth....and I like about a dozen! That is a meme I saw the other day but it fits my life perfectly at the moment. One of the benefits of getting older is that you prioritize your life. You know what is important and what isn't. And you have neither the time nor the patience to deal with what isn't.

   A big part of life is pretending. We listen to people when we wish they would just stop talking. We pretend that something doesn't bother us when we are seething inside. And we smile when we want to scream. Every single day we hold back and put up with things we really don't want to. Some days I swear I could win an Academy Award!

  As we get older, and hopefully wiser, we do it less and less. At least for the unimportant things, and people, in our lives. We don't mean to be rude....we just don't have the time. People who are living made-up-drama lives tend to fall to the wayside. Those needy people who want our validation on everything...gone. Not because we hate them but because we want to spend our precious free time on things we find important.

  It sounds a little selfish doesn't it? I guess it is. So what! Don't we deserve that? All of us. We spend many years putting everyone and everything ahead of ourselves. Why is it wrong to put ourselves front and center for a while? It's not and we need to do it more often. Especially women. I only wish we learned this valuable lesson at an earlier age. And that we could teach it to our kids. 

  A "dozen" sounds like a lot doesn't it? Some days!

  Ang

Mine...All Mine!

  In  exactly seven days I will own my car. The last payment comes out November 1 and I can't wait. It's been a long four years for me. I am aware that in the grand scheme of things, people make much higher payments for much longer terms. How they do it I don't know. It drove me crazy!!

  My car was expensive. Or at least I thought it was. When I told people my monthly payment they scoffed at the amount. Most rolled their eyes and said "I wish!" So what exactly is the average person paying per month on a vehicle? Obviously much more than I am....or should I say was. 

  Vehicles are the biggest purchase most of us make except for a house. More thought goes into what car to drive than most people do on their homes. We look at a house no more than twice normally and decide whether we want to live there or not. But we research a car. Gas mileage, reliability, maintenance packages. We look at many styles, colors and models. We take test drives on the highway and city streets. We ask our friends what they have and how happy they are with their choice. Then we test drive again.

  Now that there is a light at the end of my payment tunnel I keep thinking about what to do with the extra money each month. My mind goes immediately to vacations, paid off credit cards and extra Christmas presents. I think Michael Kors and new clothes. 

  Please just don't let it go on car repairs....that wouldn't be fair!

  Ang

City Girl

  This past weekend I spent time with some friends in a cottage at Mt. Tremblant, a ski resort area about two hours from Ottawa. The weather was gorgeous, the scenery breathtaking and the lake calming and peaceful. All in all a wonderful weekend. Spent with wonderful people. And in all that peace and tranquility I realized something, I'm a city girl who can only take so much quiet and calmness. 

  Let me first say I would go anywhere with these ladies. To the busiest downtown core or the remotest of wildernesses. I'm in. But if I had to move tomorrow I would definitely pick a city. The larger the better. I've grown accustomed to having everything in close proximity. And I do mean everything. Theaters, restaurants, shopping. Galleries, recreation facilities, specialty food shops. You name it, I want to be able to get there quickly.

  I missed the noise. The sirens, cars, people and horns. I missed dogs barking, garbage trucks and transit buses. Everything that has become part of the background noise of my life. Which explains why I was excited to see the helicopter land next door. Quiet makes me just a little bit nervous. Too many episodes of Criminal Minds I suppose.

  We all have our ideal places. I love anything on the ocean. Watching the waves. It's not always loud there but something about the movement and the sound puts me in my happy place. Maybe some day it will be where I live. Ideally within walking distance of a city center. Fingers crossed.

  But one thing I will never like about country living...no street lights!!! Who lives like that??

  Ang

  
   
  

They Know

  Another day another Trump gaff. But this one bothers me more than most. Why? Because I'd heard the same phrase for years. Twenty five years at least. And no matter who said it, it still made my blood boil.

  President #45 called a grieving widow on her way to meet her husbands casket at an air force base in Florida. Sgt. La David T. Johnson had been killed on October 4 in Niger. In my opinion, this was the wrong time to call but who knows the reason behind the strange timing. The offensive statement, to both the family and to me, was "He knew what he was signing up for". 

  I have hated those eight words since John and I started dating quite a few years ago! Alone at Christmas...he knew what he was signing up for. Fifty degree plus temperatures hauling grain to starving people...he knew what he was signing up for. Working thirty six hours straight in a blizzard because someone got lost snowmobiling...he knew what he was signing up for. The same phrase over and over again. Was that supposed to help? Or a not so subtle way to tell me to stop complaining?

   Being part of the military is an honor and those who enlist do so with the full knowledge that their lives are never going to be "normal".  They are fully aware that they will spend long stretches of time away from home. They will miss holidays, birthdays, funerals, Sunday dinners, weddings, soccer games, dance recitals and they accept it. Even losing their lives. They know what they signed up for.

  What they didn't expect was that the country they have sworn to protect and defend would use such callous words to explain away their feelings. But to say it to a widow? On the way to claim a soldiers body? That never, ever would have crossed their minds. And certainly not by their own Commander and Chief! But with this one I guess it's no surprise.

  Don't use the words. They won't help. They won't change the reality of separation, injury and death. What they will do is make these brave women and men, and their families, resent you, and your callousness, to their circumstances.

  Sgt. La David T. Johnson may you finally be at peace.

  Ang


  

#MeToo

  Social media is flooded with the hashtag MeToo over the last few days. No matter the profession, education, wealth, religion, social status...there it is. Highlighting just how common sexual harassment really is. Sadly I'm not surprised.

  Without having to ask, I would bet every single woman I know has experienced this. And I'd even go so far as to say more than once. It would be their reaction to it that I wouldn't be sure of. I've been told by some friends that they brushed it off, said nothing and went about their business. Others went to bosses and human resources. Some accepted it as "part of the job". 

  But let me make something very, very clear here. It doesn't matter how they reacted, or how long it took them to. Whether they spoke out immediately or waited for years. They had their reasons and we, women, need to understand that we are not all going to react the same way to any situation. And we cannot judge their actions. We can't. To do so makes them victims yet again. 

  Perhaps you would have gone immediately to the boss and demanded action. Maybe you don't have kids who need shoes or have rent that is late already but your coworker does. You may have food in the fridge and money in the bank but that clerk at the mall doesn't. "She" might have fears and experiences you have no clue about. We haven't walked in her shoes. We cannot judge her.

  Look at the "successful" women in Hollywood who said nothing. Those who had money and family to back them up. Did Gwyneth Paltrow have to put up with it for financial reasons? Nope. Or Angelina Jolie? Were they scared their careers would be ruined? Absolutely. They had their reasons for staying silent and now they are being heralded as brave for coming forward. We need to give the "average" woman the same respect...maybe more.

  Every woman who uses that hashtag does so from a different point of view.  From different life experiences. From different expectations. Not yours. Not mine. Theirs. And we need to support their healing. Not judge their reasoning.
  
  If we learn anything from this it should be to support, unconditionally, the women around us on this issue. And to raise our sons better.

  Much better.

  Ang

  

  

70 days

  Brace yourselves....there are only 70 days til Christmas! That's right I said the "C" word in October. Before Halloween. Before Remembrance Day. Before cold weather. Before snow. 

  The days and weeks, OK OK months, leading up to December 24 and beyond are my favorite. I love decorating the house. Finding new places for old things. Finding new things for old places. And the tree. Nothing makes me happier than sitting in front of the tree at night with all the lights on. It doesn't even need ornaments, just lights. 

  Wrapping presents, whether they come from the dollar store or Tiffany's, is so much fun. Making them un-guessable to little hands is especially fun. An iPod put in a box then into another box, then another and another keeps an excited child guessing for hours. Then when it's time to finally open that box, the look of sheer joy when they realize they got exactly what they wanted when they were convinced they did not is priceless!

  I can't wait to have the fireplace going with carols in the background. The boys playing Jingle Bells on the piano. Bowls of ornaments on every counter and the smell of cinnamon pine cones as you walk up to my front door. 

  But most importantly let's stop making fun of those of us who love the season and can't wait for it to come! Leave us alone...please. We are well aware we have a problem. You don't need to remind us. 

  Michelle and Sheena....I've got your back!

  Ang

  

Why Rehab???

  I only have one question I want answered on this whole Harvey Weinstein scandal....what is he going to rehab for? Will he have withdrawals and crave saying something inappropriate? Maybe he will be given drugs to control his urges to grope women? What is he going to rehab for???

  Being a predator is not something that can be "cured" with a month long stay at a facility with like minded folks. Jail terms are much longer and they come out most of the time exactly as they went in. Organic foods and yoga are not going to help. Could meditation and therapy help? Maybe but no guarantee.

  In this case he is trying to save his career pure and simple. The guy has been a predator for many, many years. That is who he is. He knowingly used his power to dominate, manipulate and influence women who wanted success in their field. Pure and simple. 

   Sometimes doing the right thing is the toughest thing. Especially for the victims. Fear of losing everything makes a lot of women put up with many things. We cannot blame those who don't come forward...we are not in their shoes and certainly don't know their circumstances. Let's not judge them. 

   So from here forward lets try this. Women speak out. Every single time. Protect each other. When it happens to you tell your co-workers. Never let them be alone with the predator. Be brave and be willing to sacrifice so that others won't have to. And those who do sacrifice....the rest of us will have your back. We have to help pay your bills, feed your kids and help you out in any way we can. After all we owe you.

   Twenty bucks says he will return from rehab a changed and better man. In his mind anyway.

  Ang


  

  

Positive Thoughts...and Words

  I have been very delinquent lately. These past few weeks I've had much to say about things going on in my life but have chosen to stay quiet, not an easy thing to do I assure you. Everything I wrote was a little bitter. A little angry. And while there is nothing wrong with anger sometimes it does no good either. That's where I was heading.

  People I was coming into contact with were behaving childishly and for whatever reason I wasn't able to move past it like I always do. Must be old age I guess. They were desperate to have their own way...no matter who disagreed and no matter the reason. Then when they were called on their childish behavior they became nasty, petty and talked badly about whoever it was that questioned them. You know...teenage behavior. And it made me angry.

  But not today. Today is about being positive. Seeing the good in people. After the Thanksgiving holiday it seems wrong to focus on the bad and not the good. 

  Ang

Thoughts & Prayers

  Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the shooting in Las Vegas. 

  Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the shooting in Orlando.

  Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the shooting in Sandy Hook.

  Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of the shooting in Columbine. 

  How have thoughts and prayers helped? Beyond some peace for the survivors perhaps. Maybe something to take comfort in when trying to deal with the reality of loss. But they haven't stopped the next massacre. Or the next. Or the next. It's not enough. Not even close.

  The time for thoughts and prayers has past. Action, and maybe a great deal of anger is what is needed now. 

  Ang